Happy Mother's Day!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

When I woke up this morning...after sleeping in, seriously pure bliss...I didn't imagine posting this.

I woke up today beyond thankful and happy for my three babies. With each mother's day, I never forget the long, hard battle I fought to conceive. Each mother's day, I remember how blessed I am and thankful for God's blessings.

7 years ago, after I married my husband, we discovered we were pregnant and were beyond shocked. We weren't planning on starting our family so early, but God had different plans for us. The weeks following our discovery, we were still in shock from the news. Then, as the weeks came our pregnancy sadly took a devastating turn for the worse. We lost our baby.

Sadly, we miscarriaged. There are always different reactions to a miscarriage. But, I'll be honest...a miscarriage is truly a time to grieve the lose of a life. Whether the life is in-utero or not, it is a life. The moment we discovered we were expecting, we had a baby and one we never met. My heart still breaks years later.

The next year and a half, we tried to conceive and were repeatedly unsuccessful. We spent many nights crying. Our days and nights were constantly consumed with grief and questions we didn't have answers to. Without going into detail, this was a dark and lonely place for us.

After our long journey, we happily discovered we were expecting twins. Our twin babies are now 4 years old and more than we could've ever imagined. Years later, we discovered we were expecting our son, Easton. Our family is complete and our hearts filled.

Our days with infertility stay with us, they're like the wounds that just won't heal. The feeling that join inferitility are indescribable...but in short, it's a feeling the plagues every minute of your day. It can take you to a very lonely place.

Before we had the twins, the rollar coaster of emotions were overwhelming. The advice given to us was even more overwhelming. It's hard. It's even harder to try and explain to someone telling me that once I stop trying, it'll just happen. While that advice was given from a pure heart, I wanted to scream when I heard it. To me, telling a woman to stop trying would be like telling her to stop wanting something she was created to do. I do know each woman is different, but me...children were my life.

While those were dark days, I am thankful for those days as I met women that shared the same battles. It wasn't until a friend had introduced me to her friend who shared the story of infertility. Meeting other women that were once were I was was eye opening and completely humanized all my feelings and thoughts.

This mother's day, I again looked at my three babies and smiled. Smiled big, with thankfulness that I'm their mother and they're mine. That when I prayed for them, I never imagined in a million years I would have three beautiful children.

Today, a friend shared with me a short video on infertility. When I watched it and read each question written ... I cried. I cried as I know each of those questions as I once asked them.

While each question was right, the one that stuck with me as I asked it often is...
What if I have to learn to live child free....with a smile?

I have two good friends that are battling infertility and it pains me to watch them go through it. The highs and lows of infertility are exhausting and my heart breaks for them.

One thing I have learned is, many people that battle infertility keep it a secret. They keep their questions to themselves, their emotions bottled up and thoughts racing through their mind each second of the day private.

By sharing this, I want those that are battling infertility to know....
you are not alone and each thought/question you have is real.

What IF? A Portrait of Infertility from Keiko Zoll on Vimeo.

Today, I'm thankful for my babies.

Happy Mother's Day!


Jodie Allen said...

happy mother's day friend... thinking about you today...

Tami Proffitt said...

jod...i love you! and thankful each day that i met you! thank you!

Anonymous said...

That was heart wrenching! Yesterday was a wonderful day for me too ~ I'm glad I could spend it with my wonderful family! LYG, N

Jessica N. said...

Well I'm crying and need to take my child to pre-school. Amazing. I am sooooo lucky to have my son and glad I'm done with the infertility battle.

This video is wonderful.

Anonymous said...

Thanks so much for posting this Tami. I, like you, had the same emotions while watching the video and have many wounds that just won't heal from infertility. It changed everything in my life and even after four years with Lilly in my life I still feel the pain of my broken heart. I am so thankful though that I don't have to live life without a child. I can't imagine every coming to terms with that.

Sunny said...

I found your blog through Aly Slone (She is my sister's sister-in-law) :) This post hits home on so many levels. This was the first year I was able to celebrate Mother's day as a mom. Lets be real... infertility just sucks! No easy way to say it and no matter what happens, there is always a part of you that is never "whole." My husband and I were blessed by adoption just over a year ago and our daughter is more than I could ever imagine! As we prepare to try for our second through adoption, I still have days where I feel sorry for myself. Not being able to control something that so many others have control over .... just sucks! :) You are an amazing photographer and I have found a new blog to stalk. Thank you for putting the message on infertility out there!