Tears...and being late! |Queen Creek Child Photographer

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Here I sit...almost 1 AM and I have tear filled eyes.


Let me begin...

For a few weeks now, my computer has been giving me all the signs of a computer heart attack. Basically, creating a computer "slap a photographer smack in the face" warning signs that I've bombarded it with way too many large files.

So, while it's been long overdue...after I put my twin girls to bed, I've spent the last several hours uploading personal files to a printer, backing up files to disk/external drives and deleting files. Here I am, hoping I'm giving my computer more breathing room.

As I'm going through my personal files I'm coming across pictures that are just breaking my heart. Breaking my heart because I've literally clicked through hundreds of pictures where I think I took one large blink and months flew by.

Lately, my husband and I have been looking at our "once baby" and now almost a toddler, wondering why he grew so fast.

Where did time go? When did he decide to grow up?

And ... I'm crying. Crying because he's my last baby and he's growing up. Each stage of his life has been my favorite. But if I have to pick my all time favorite stage...it would be when he was 6 months old.

At 6 months old, he was sitting good. Full of chub. Full of giggles. Smiled big.

My baby. He's growing up.

And then feeling loads of guilt for how my punctuality has sadly taken a huge backseat in my priorities.

You see, today we missed the girls last soccer game. Because I got the time wrong. Because I wasn't more on top of my personal priorities.

When it comes to work, I stay on top of things. I work late to finish that last editing, designing and ordering deadline.

But I screwed up that soccer game time. Ugh!

And since I'm a huge believer in the "what goes around, comes around" theory...it might be actually biting my squishy tushy lately.

For starters, earlier this week...we had company and ordered pizza. While waiting for it, I could have sworn the delivery guy was bringing it to us by foot or they were just growing a new batch of yeast for the dough.

And, I'm starting to pull my hair out as I believe 2 of my 5 vendors are in collaboration to write a new definition of being late. And I'm thinking after they submit this definition to Webster's, they'll ship my orders. Don't get me wrong, I DO love my vendors and use them for very specific reasons...and totally understand that they are in the midst of the holiday rush.

So, I'm thinking...maybe I should brush up on my punctuality and hope my orders come faster. One can only hope!

Now back on a personal note...I talked to my twin sister today and she gracefully says, "So, I heard about what happened this morning. You okay? The girls?" Just to save my mommy guilt, my girls were fine. They were just excited to get their soccer pictures and trophy necklace. I don't think they even realized that there wasn't a game. But me, I literally got in my car and cried. Because I was disappointed. But, what's done is done.

However, there is a story that warmed my mommy heart. Cashlyn asked me why I was crying. I told her I was sad that I made a mistake. Then Camryn says, "Mommy, it's okay. Accidents happen." Oh, I love my girls.

But I will write, this was just a reminder that I'm glad I didn't schedule any shoots in the month of December. Actually, just one. My twin sister's family. She was pushed to the very end.

I scheduled my fall this way so that I could create and preserve family holiday traditions instead of squeezing them in here and there. And I'm glad I did.


NP said...

Your sweet little girls are right ~ accidents happen! All that you explained was EXACTLY how I felt when I screwed up the date for your masters graduation. I thought NOTING could be worse at the time. Luckily C & C are little and I know you're probably right that they had no clue there might have actually been a game :) I'll see you in the a.m. by 8:30ish :)